got senioritis?

If seniors get senioritis, I get super senioritis.  I’m sick of school. I’m so ready for this semester to be over. And I actually liked my classes. I’m just done. I have no patience for class anymore. I already finished one but the other ones just feel like a waste of time at this point. I have so many better things I could be doing than going to class!  I know that sounds obnoxious but I’m telling it like it is. I’m ready for Christmas dammit!!!! 

That’s another thing.  It’s Christmas. Not happy holidays or season’s greetings or any of that crap. Christmas. If you’re Jewish, I have no problem wishing you Happy Chanukah or Kwanzaa or whatever else you may celebrate, but I celebrate Christmas (not X-mas) because I’m Catholic and because its the day I believe Christ was born. Ok. I don’t think He was born December 25th. He was born sometime closer to the spring according to theologians but that’s a whole different post.  Regardless, taking the Christ out of Christmas is the same as lumping together all the holidays in my opinion.

I’m tired of political correctness. This is still a free country and I can say what I want. I’m not trying to offend anyone by celebrating what I believe in, I just think that if you’re insulted by someone saying Merry Christmas to you instead of whatever other holiday you celebrate, there’s a problem. I think it’s just impressive that someone was nice enough to wish you a happy Chanukah! Now you’ve got to be picky about it too?!  I don’t see people wearing signs that say I’m Christian, I’m Jewish, I’m Buddhist.  People tried forcing people to do that and it didn’t turn out so well.  Alright, maybe that’s a bit extreme but I think I’ve made my point.

Anyway, this post started because I was bored in class. I’m still bored but there’s only ten minutes left now so I will leave you all on this note: TSO has been playing on my iPod nonstop since Thanksgiving!!!  If you don’t know who TSO is, go find out. They give a stellar concert too if you were wondering!

Slow Humans

Slow people. I hate slow people.  I think a lot of it has to do with the patience thing. I have none. I can’t really remember a time when I did have patience.  I don’t know if it has to do with growing up in New York or if its because I spent most of my childhood waiting for my dad to be ready to go when I was excited to get somewhere or something else entirely.  Who knows what really influences us the most in that respect. 

This morning I got stuck walking behind two really slow people. They weren’t slow enough to merit an excuse me without me seeming like a psycho: I had nowhere I needed to be any time in the near future; I just hate walking slow!  It’s funny. I’ve always walked pretty fast, but it seems like to people in Florida I walk at warp speed.  At home, my friends tell me I’ve slowed down; I can’t win!

A person I know has a theory about the speed at which people walk correlates to the speed at which they work.  Something to think about. With the exception of one person (for now) this works for the people I know.  Think about it.  Kind of crazy right?  Just something to think about…

Honesty is such a lonely word…

Trust.  Such a simple yet complicated thing.  I don’t trust very many people right off the bat.  It takes a while for me to completely open up to someone.  And when I do, beware!  There’s no going back.  I don’t shut up once I trust you.  And good luck if you ever do something to break my trust.  I hold grudges and trust is definitely something you earn.  You don’t get a second chance just like that, no questions asked.  Maybe that’s harsh.  But then don’t break my trust and that bridge never has to be crossed.

There are levels of trust too.  I have a handful of friends I can say I trust with anything.  And looking at the dynamics between them, I find it extremely interesting.  For example, three of them are all really good friends with each other as well.  The four of us were always hanging out.  And I know,without a doubt, if I tell one of them something, the other two will know about it even if I tell the person I said something to not to say anything to anyone else.  I trust them with my life.  But it’s amusing to see how between the four of us,  we assume they don’t count as being anyone else.  We’re collectively one in a sense.  Sometimes its nice.  It’s awesome to know we’re close enough to share anything.  But other times, it becomes frustrating.  Like when discussing birthday presents for one of them!  Secrets don’t seem to exist between the four of us.  And I think we all know that so if we do want to keep something from one of them, it has to be kept to yourself.  Or shared with someone else not involved.

I don’t know how guys are, but they seem to have it easier than women do.  Girls are so damn petty.  And mean!  Most of them will stab you in the back without thinking twice for something so dumb.  I was harping on sororities not too long ago with a friend and she wanted to know why I disliked the ideas of sororities so much.  I told her it was because most of the girls in them are backstabbers.  That they pretend to be friends with each other, calling them sisters and whatnot, but as soon as one of them is out of earshot, she’s a bitch and a whore and this and that.  It’s crap.  How can you say you’re “besties” and talk smack about them?  My dear friend pointed out that that wasn’t just sororities, it was most women in general.  Thinking about it, I definitely have to concede to that point.

I hate fake people.  And I hate people who talk behind people’s backs.  If you’ve got something to say about me, say it to my face.  You don’t know what’s brought me to make this decision or choose that path.  Don’t pretend we’re pals and then tell someone else you can’t stand me.  Why would you hang out with me if you can’t stand me?!!  I feel like this is something you’d say to a third grader and yet, it seems a lot of people need to still learn this lesson.  It’s funny, I remember when my mom used to pick me up from school.  At dismissal, all the parents would be waiting by the parking lot for their kids to get out and even then there were the cliques and the drama that I thought died out once you left middle school.  Or at least high school.  Apparently, its a life time thing though.

Recently, I learned of a friend, we’ll call this friend Sam,  making a comment or two that was pretty hurtful.  The funny thing is that I had kind of already suspected that Sam was feeling that way and had asked about it.  I was told right off the bat that I was crazy and friends didn’t think that way and this and that.  This is one of those friends who I trusted with anything and everything.  And it turns out that to other people, Sam was talking behind my back!  It sucks.  I had voiced that I was suspicious of Sam to another mutual friend of ours, lets go with Alex, before I had confronted Sam.  Alex told me exactly what Sam had said later: there’s no way Sam would think that way.   But as it turns out, Alex had known all along that Sam thought it.  In fact, they apparently had detailed conversations about it on multiple occasions.  Sam and Alex were supposed to be two people I could trust with anything.  Now I’m torn.

I feel like it’s unfair for me to be annoyed with Alex because I think Alex was more of a person Sam could talk to about things and not necessarily that the two of them were bashing me.  At least I hope that’s how it went down.  And it wouldn’t have been right for Alex to tell me, yeah, Sam’s been knocking you because I’m sure those conversations were had in confidence and I’m certain Alex is one of the very few people who does not break people’s trust.  But I’m annoyed that Alex tried to convince me that I was crazy because Alex knew when I had shared my concern that Sam was already saying those things.

Betrayed.  I feel betrayed.  By both of them.  And I don’t know if I can trust them as much as I did.  I don’t know if I can be as open around them now and that sucks.  Maybe it’s not fair.  But I shut down when I’m hurt and this definitely takes the cake.  And it’s not so much about the fact that the thoughts were had or comments made or anything like that.  It’s the blatant lying about it that pisses me off.

Billy Joel’s got a good one for this:

If you search for tenderness, it isn’t hard to find.
You can find the love you need to live.
But if you search for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you…

 

Can’t Buy Me Love…

So it’s been a while.  Lately, in my copious amounts of free time (that’s total sarcasm by the way), I’ve been reading some other people’s blogs and whatnot.  It’s kind of inspired me to update this thing.  In reading other people’s life stories and all, though, I’ve discovered that my blog sort of took a turn for being more of a record of where I’ve been over anything else and it really wasn’t the direction I wanted to go in.  I’m not going to promise that I won’t have more day by day updates, but I originally created this blog with the intent of writing more about what’s been on my mind rather than stalker information.  This probably is also due to the fact that I am no longer going to awesome places every weekend, but I’m dragging this on.  Another thing I noticed I tend to do which is why half the time it takes me so damn long to update!

The last few weeks have been interesting.  Money seems to be on everyone’s minds.  Money.  Bah!  I hate money.   But I don’t.  Who can honestly say they don’t like money?  We all like it whether we want to admit it or not.  We like the idea of what it can do for us.  Whether that be for us to donate to charities or buy that thing we have to have or go out for dinner.  Whatever.

A few weeks ago I really wanted to go out to this hibachi place for dinner, but I didn’t want to go by myself.  I went to a few restaurants by myself when I was living in Germany and it’s just too awkward for me.  I end up trying to talk to random people and apparently that’s not taken to too kindly there.  I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I was at a bar and got food there, but the place I wanted to go to kind of defeats the purpose if you’re not sitting at the tables!  Anywho, I asked one of my friends if she wanted to come with me.  She kind of made a face and then said it was a bit out of her price range.  Granted, it’s no Chiptole.  A main dish is somewhere in the range of $25-35.  But I really wanted to go.  So I offered to make it my treat.  I didn’t think anything of it.  Her response? “Stop rubbing the fact that you have money in my face!”  All I wanted to do was grab food!  I was kind of annoyed.  Yeah, I do get a nice little paycheck every two weeks, but I never really thought I “threw it in people’s faces.”

Thinking about it later, I started getting pissed off at people’s reactions to money in general.  I think some people who have it are obnoxious about it.  But I think there are extremists in every group.  And I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to get mad at me or anyone else because I have more money than them.  I’ve worked for it.  I am working for it.  And I will continue to work for it.  Not everyone is born into wealth, but using that as an excuse isn’t an acceptable reason to not make something for yourself.

The Beatles had it right and I don’t think I ever related this bit to myself before, but it rings so true for me:

Say you don’t need no diamond ring, and I’ll be satisfied.
Tell me that you want the thing that money just can’t buy.
I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love.

Money’s so damn overrated.  Everyone’s become so materialistic.  Everyone wants this and that.  I’m guilty of it too.  When can I get a new phone; which overpriced camera do I want now; should I get another c-card or buy a dry suit, or both; should I get my PPL?  It’s sad, but it’s what it is.  But I’m also pretty cheap on other things. Going off the Beatles bit about a diamond ring? Yeah, I completely agree.  First of all, diamonds aren’t that rare!  They are way overpriced and they’re just so… typical.  Sure, they look all sparkly and neat, but quite honestly they’re too flashy for me.  Get me an opal.  Something different that actually is more rare than diamonds and looks way cooler anyway.   And they’re about six times cheaper than diamonds.  I’m not sure why love is supposed to be expressed by how much you spent on a damn rock, but society seems to deem it so.

Just like society says we need the newest things on the market.  My recruiter continues to tell me I need a new car every time I see him.  My car’s starting to squeak, the passenger side and trunk still have remnants that a crowbar hit them or gunshots or whatever it was, a taillight cover is broken, the seats have seen better days, and I have the money to buy a new car.  But I like my car.  I have no desire to get rid of it.  It’s been the only thing that has been mine and all mine and only mine for this long.  I have so many memories in that car.  So many road trips and heart to hearts and random midnight drives to nowhere in it.  I’ll be devastated the day it no longer runs.

Another friend told me recently-ish that I use people for money.  What?!  I’m sorry, but that’s complete B.S.  If you choose to constantly pay for things or insist that there’s no way I’m paying, I don’t think you can classify that as me using you.  Not that he was referring to things between him and myself as we don’t go anywhere that requires money in the first place, but it was kind of like a punch in the gut.  For a friend to make that claim, it sucked.  I’m not going to argue with people who want to pay for things.  But I don’t expect people to pay for me.  Ever.  Except maybe if it’s my birthday.  But even then.  I hate those people that expect things.  That think they’re entitled to things because they did this or that or whatever.  You’re not entitled to things: you have to earn it.

Anyway.  I think there was some kind of logic to this towards the beginning, but for all of you that stuck with it to the end, thanks!  Glad you’re that faithful to go through my random rants and whatever else.  I tried to be concise, but we all know I’m terrible at that.  And sorry if it made no sense!  In short, we’ll see how long I can keep this up before life consumes me again!

Hakuna Matata.