So it’s been a while. I know – I’m done with finals and all of that, but life has still been pretty busy. I started working at another job, so now I have income coming in from three different sources. It’s been fun, but kind of cuts into the free time idea. But I like being busy. I completely rearranged my room on Saturday. And I reorganized a bunch of things I’ve been meaning to go through for a while. That was exhausting but fun. On Sunday, after bombarding my mom with enough messages and calls to wish her happy mother’s day, I was a complete bum. I literally did not leave my bed all day unless it was to get food or a refill from the kitchen. It was kind of nice to just relax. But I don’t know how people do that all the time! I was bored after three hours. But I didn’t have anywhere else to be or things to do, so it was kind of nice for the day. I’ve finally gotten into a routine now. Routine’s are weird. I haven’t really had one since I was in Germany, now almost three years ago! I can’t believe it’s been that long. In other scenarios, it seems like a lifetime ago. Funny how that works, right?
Anyway, lately I have been in a less than thrilled mood to interact with people. The random communication at work or in class is fine, but I just want my me time. I’m tired of other people. Except everyone seems to be leaving for summer or this or that and since I’ve been bogged down with finals and other obligations, I haven’t really been around much to hang out with people anyway, I seem to have been hanging out with people and talking to people even though I just kind of want to be alone. I’m not mad at anyone or anything like that, I just haven’t felt like being around other humans. I go through this phase every now and then. But I’ve sucked it up because, well, I haven’t seen people in a while or I won’t see them for a while.
But everyone (well, maybe not everyone, but a good majority of them) I’ve been dealing with seems to have these brainwashed ideas and concepts in their mind. At least that’s how it’s coming across to me. Do you ever feel like someone’s words are scripted? Like, you’re talking to them about a topic that you know the other person has considered before and it just sounds rehearsed? Not necessarily that someone else has created the words, but just that the other person has envisioned the conversation and has already planned out exactly what they were going to say. Although a lot of the deeper conversations I’ve had with some people in the past week have seemed like someone else is influencing what is being said though. It’s frustrating.
Like I said, it almost sounds like brainwashing. I had lunch with a friend the other day and everything he was saying sounded like a movie. Maybe it was just me, but none of the words coming out sounded like they were his thoughts or ideas. It was irritating as all else. And I tried to call him out on it, but was shot down. I have another friend, who I met up with the other day. We’re pretty close and I hadn’t seen her in ages, so I was excited to see her even though I wasn’t really in a people person kind of mood. We had a great time, but towards the end of the night, I brought up something that we disagreed about. We can disagree – friends are allowed to do that: another point I’ve been attempting to make quite frequently lately. But she became extremely defensive about something that was a simple observation. Her response sounded so scripted and not her. It was irritating. Almost like someone else was dictating every word she said. That seems to be happening a lot. I’m tired of not saying what’s on my mind. You don’t have to agree with me, but you can at least respect my opinion, as I will yours.
Manipulation. I guess I feel like a lot of my friends have been easily manipulated lately. Maybe they’re manipulating me. I don’t know. I just have been under this impression. I know a guy who has straight up told me that the only reason he is friends with someone else is because he can manipulate her. Seriously? Except I see it and it is very much true. Scary. She has no idea. Or maybe she does? She certainly doesn’t appear to realize the extent of it. Irritating. And I see it happening so often that I become even more and more disinclined to socialize with people. If I bring it up, people are annoyed. If I don’t, I’m acting weird. So lately I just want to tell people, just leave me alone. At least for now. Give me my space. It’s nothing specific that you did. I just don’t feel like dealing with people. Especially if the conversations sound scripted.