Ambiverting

I often find myself wondering if I’m too independent. Too opinionated. Too… much. Not enough like everyone else. I think all those things go together. I find myself debating with my own inner dialogue, but sometimes with those I care about as well. When other people weigh in, it usually goes along the lines of them telling me I have stronger opinions on somethings that I probably shouldn’t even really care about, but I should still just go with it. You be you kind of thing. Internally, it depends on the day.

There’s moments I truly think I have split personalities. Not in the legit I have a medical problem, just depending on the day. There’s the ‘I want to be social and go hang out with everyone I know and I can’t sit still and just want to do all the things’ days and then there’s the ‘I don’t want anything to do with people and binge watching Netflix or reading a book in my hammock for 8 hours sounds like the highlight of life and even answering a text seems too social for me’ kind of days. So on my more introverted days, I tend to think maybe I need to conform to what most of society deems “normal.” But on extroverted days… HA! Society can go… well, this is a family friendly blog. So choose your own adventure to fill in that blank.

It’s a conundrum, nevertheless. It’s not easy to be an extrovert AND an introvert. It’s especially difficult when you think you’re feeling extroverted and you meet up with humans and BAM! You really just want to be by yourself. I know I’m not the only one that struggles with this! So do you frantically look for excuses to leave? What if they came to your house?! Now you’re stuck! The horrors. This is a real thing, people. Nightmarish.

Anyway. This timeshare has been calling me for the past 2 weeks and never leaves a message. And it’s not that I don’t want to talk to them – talking usually results in some decent perks – I just am never around my phone when they call. But on the rare occasions I am, I might be in that introverted, dealing with humans is way too overwhelming mode, even via phone calls. In case you were wondering, I finally touched based with them and have a new vacation to plan in the next year or so! Vacation planning is difficult for me, though. My schedule with work is in such a constant flux that it’s difficult to plan more than a few weeks in advance for many things. Which can be great for last minute deals. But flights pretty much never have such discounts and availability can become an issue too. And my people who have more normal scheduled jobs find it difficult to get time off with that short of a notice.

In most instances, that just means I’ll go by myself. Adventuring alone is a pretty sweet gig. I do what I want, only what I want, and don’t have to worry about someone else not getting their way. It sounds pretty selfish and it is. But it’s awesome in it’s own right to have that freedom to literally seize the day I any which way you see fit. Sharing those experiences is great too. You get a different perspective and all that goes along with spending quality time with someone else. And this is where I find myself getting in my own head.

Would I rather go through life having that freedom or those shared moments? Am I too independent to truly share my adventures with someone else all the time? I’m not speaking just to romantically inclined relationships, either. Ski trips with my fencing team from high school or dive trips with my college friends fall into this question too (ok, diving is a bad example since I wouldn’t go diving alone, but it conveys the point that platonic relationships count as well). And I don’t know if I have an answer to that yet. So I go back and forth with the pros and cons of such. And maybe it doesn’t need an answer. Trips I’ve ventured on solo or with people have been epic. Would they have been enhanced if I wasn’t by myself or had I gone on my own? Probably in some aspects. It can be lonely dining alone. But it can also be refreshing. First world problems, I’m telling you. The struggle is real!

At any rate, you gotta do what makes you happy! Hakuna Matata!

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Moles…

First, I will start off on a more serious note regarding the earthquake in Christchurch.  Yesterday marked one week from the natural disaster that tore many families apart, but also brought many together in New Zealand and people who genuinely wanted to help from around the world.   I was happy to see many people joining in at 12:51PM for a two-minute moment of silence to remember the victims, which now total over 128.

Acts of kindness are something that should be done everyday, in my opinion, not just when something terrible happens.  It’s a shame that it takes such a devastating thing to bring people together and make you realize you are not invincible.  You are human.  Do some good in the world everyday.  It will become a better place. 

As my second day of classes rolled around, I am happy to note that my only 8AM class has been canceled until further notice (which won’t be until at least week 6 of the semester – AWESOMENESS)!  My other two lectures were pretty interesting.  I find it amazing that the professors here only teach part of the course and then someone else usually comes in.  It is a completely new concept to me, but I am liking the idea of people who are experts in a field teaching me about what they are actually passionate about.  It makes a lot of sense when you think about it. 

After waiting forever for the dinner line to open, we got to wait another eon for the point in which we were standing in line to get to the food.  They really need to do something about the food here.  It’s decent food for a place serving in masses, but seriously.  Literally waiting thirty minutes on a line to get food is nothing short fo ridiculous.  After food, we didn’t go on another walk.  I think something had to do with the fact that we got temporarily displaced on Monday night.  It was pretty epic.  We had followed a staircase up to this open field where we were able to witness an awesome setting of the sun which, of course, no picture could really do justice.  But then we walked through the field where a cat appeared.  Me being with pre-vet students, of course we had to stop until they said there was something wrong with the cat and to stay away from it.  Because I’m not already freaked out by the cat to begin with! 

We continued on the path, however, and walked into a playground.  Of course I had to go back and forth on the zipline a few times before we trekked on through more trees.  But by this time, it was getting pretty dark.  We ended up along a road and continued briefly on a path that would supposedly lead to the track overview.  But along this path, it was extremely dark and the majority of the group agreed to head back to the road and go from there.  Probably the wiser move, but definitely not the adrenaline pumping one.  We found a main outlet and one of us knew the general idea of where we were, so we headed back to campus, arriving only an hour later than we had initially planned on.  Our poor friend who decided for the first time to join us on our walk that “won’t be that far.”  I don’t think he’s all for joining us anytime in the near future.  But the trail we had been on will most definitely be explored, but more likely in the daytime. 

Today was interesting.  I couldn’t fall asleep for whatever reason last night, so I was kind of annoyed.  Plus there was the toga party last night, so as you can imagine, there were Greek gods and goddesses meandering about half-naked and trashed, but all good fun nonetheless.  Except at two in the morning when you are actually trying to sleep because that 9AM class is going to start way sooner than you want it to and the people yelling and knocking on doors to the wrong peoples room are keeping you up.  Yeah, this morning was not so fun.  PLus the fact that my class only lasted for thirty minutes and then I had a break until my next class at 4PM, I wasn’t too happy of a camper.  But I did get some work done in the library, so go me, and I bonded with more humans.  HURRAY for not being anti-social! 

I was on my way to Clubs Day when torrential downpours ruined that idea, as all the clubs decided to pack it up an hour earlier than they were supposed to.  What can you do, though?  Oh well.  In my later class, we talked about moles.  Like Avogadro’s number moles.  And the whole time I was listening, I couldn’t help but have that great song in the back of my head.  Yes, the song that anyone who has mentioned moles to me has heard me sing at one point or another.  One of my greatest friends, and practically my sister all but in legitimate terms, and I created it one day at the beach.  WE ARE NOT NERDS!  We just, alright, we might be a little bit.  Anyway, the song goes as such:

I’m a mole!   Ba dum dum dum da
I live in the ground!   Ba dum dum dum da
I eat the dirt!   Ba dum dum dum da
‘Cause I’m a mole!  Ba dum a dum da

 There were more versus, but this is the one we’ll stick with for now.  After class and dinner and whatnot, I retreated to my room to get some work done, but as temptations have it, I couldn’t resist going online to see who was on Skype.  It’s amazing how certain people can affect your emotions in a heartbeat.  It’s almost pathetic that a simple hello from certain people can make you smile, wrench your insides out, whatever.  But I am going to assume it happens to everyone, whether it be via a phone call, e-mail, encounter on the street, you get the idea.  After almost an hour of “conversation”, I was left feeling an array of emotions you don’t imagine are possible when you go from one point to another.  Which makes me be extremely grateful and happy to have such amazing and awesome friends in which I can discuss in more depth such feelings and thoughts, knowing full well I can trust them and know they are always there for me.  And you know in particular who you are, so that’s all I will go on about that, but know that I appreciate everything and I truly love you! 

Wow.  Way sappy for me to actually blog about, but accept it people!  That’s just me!  Predictability is over rated.  Besides awesome friends, who can’t sincerely enjoy a sunset like this that is visible from their bedroom window:

Ciao!